Winter, The Loneliest Time of the Year.

It has been said that winter, including the holiday season, is the loneliest time of the year. Have you ever though why this particular time of the year is so lonely? In this article I will discuss the definition of loneliness, why individuals seem to be most lonely in winter, and multiple types of loneliness.

            All of us have experienced loneliness in our lives, yet it can be hard to put this experience into words. Loneliness is defined as a negative agonizing encounter which is experienced when the need for human interaction is not met adequately. Loneliness is often experienced when an individual’s social network doesn’t match their preference in physical numbers or personality attributes. Loneliness can be sporadic or chronic and can be initiated by internal (inside yourself) or external (environmental) variables.

In winter it gets cold. The colder it is, travel becomes less likely due to weather conditions. Also, winter is when people get sick with a cold or the flu. People spend more time inside away from others. The isolation can trigger loneliness in individuals. Personality variable levels determine how much social interaction is needed to avoid loneliness.

Our culture also plays a part in loneliness during the winter. Holidays (Valentine’s Day included) are supposed to be spent with loved ones. It’s a time to give presents and feel blessed. Movies and TV shows depict families gathering, laughing, and sharing meals. Unfortunately, some individuals can’t partake in special events due to health, death, disagreements, or divorce. They don’t fit the social norm of “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” The social depiction on TV and at stores during the winter may allow a conscience awareness that they are alone.

There are several ways to perceive loneliness. Someone could be around people all the time and still feel lonely. Some individuals may need to feel intimacy from others in order to avoid loneliness. Others may just need to be in a big city and not actually interact with others much to avoid loneliness. Many individuals avoid loneliness by owning a pet. Loneliness values depend upon personality and the perception the individual has about their self and their environment.

There are multiple types of loneliness.  One type is Emotional Loneliness. Weiss in the 1970s was first to conceptualize the term as: the lack of a close intimate attachment to another individual. Feeling unloved and possibly stating that no one loves them is an example of Emotional Loneliness. Some children experiencing family disfunction may feel Emotional Loneliness, not limited to, when: children are ranked in value by parents, attention is only awarded after a particular behavior, or when parents are physically or emotionally absent from their kids. Emotional Loneliness can also occur when a close friend passes away or a close friendship ceases.

Relational Loneliness is perceiving that no one knows me. You know, the ‘real’ me. Sometimes people can go through life and never actually have a relationship with others; they just go through the motions. Maybe they are afraid to get close to someone else due to a past break-up. Possibly due to the cultural value of independence and not needing others for success. Recently, the world prescribed isolation for safety, suggesting that isolation is the safest way to live, bolstering loneliness

Not defining a purpose in life is Vocational Loneliness. Life may have little to no meaning. Some individuals may ask themselves in the morning, “Why should I get up out of bed?” They may be uncertain about their actual contributions to society or their family. Social media bolsters comparison to other individuals. We may perceive that our work, contributions, and vocational developments don’t add up to what others have going on in life, feeding Vocational Loneliness.  With the change of the family structure due to marriages, divorce, remarriage, and step-children, Vocational Loneliness could be experienced by trying to find where you ‘fit’ in the family structure. Working to understand what your role and responsibilities are in the family can be a challenge.

Spiritual Loneliness is being cut off from God. Maybe you haven’t been reading God’s word or attending services as often as you should. In the busy times you may not listen for spiritual advice. When choosing direction, we can forget to ask God for direction. We can experience spiritual belonging if we look for ‘more’ in the right places.

Physical Loneliness is experiencing a work load alone. We all have felt that we do everything on our own and no one else is doing anything to help. It helps if you write down (yes, on paper) all the things that individuals in your household physically do. Workload and responsibility become visual to your mind. During the pandemic most of us experienced physical loneliness due to missing: hugs, smiles, lunches out, project help, problem-solving and shopping.

At some events or in some environments we can feel unwanted or rejected. We may not be picked for a project or a team. Experiencing Situational Loneliness often involves comparing our situation or role to another individual. They are more fortunate in their situation. Their car, house, job, assets, marriage, kids, etc. measures higher than mine. Situational Loneliness can muffle our own empowerment. It’s important to know rejection isn’t based on just you alone. Situational (environmental) circumstances can often be the reason for rejection. All of us are living a life with many outside factors pulling at us.

All of us get lonely. It’s normal to feel lonely. Problems arise when loneliness keeps us from performing our daily tasks. We need social interaction in multiple ways to combat loneliness. None of us are designed to be alone. If we were designed to be alone, there would be only one person in the world. That person would be you.