Frustration and COVID-19

KINDNESS TAKES PRACTICE – LOTS OF PRACTICE

By Dr. Shari Beecher, PhD

Due to changes in our world we have had to change our routines and behaviors. The uncertainty in the world makes it hard to firmly construct new goals, as the future is not stable.

Currently, most of our goals are short term: figuring out what is for dinner, how am I going to protect myself and my family from the virus today, how to keep the kids educated and entertained, how to please my boss with limited resources. It is unfortunate that many of our goals, these new short term goals, are often, not met and we are frustrated.

So, what is frustration?? All of us have experienced it, but many of us cannot actually define frustration. Simply put, frustration is a block to a goal. Think about when a child wants to have a cookie. The child’s goal is to have a cookie. When mom or dad states they cannot have a cookie, they have now experienced a block to a goal. Then what happens? Usually, some sort of anger in the way of a temper tantrum. Behavior such as: stomping of feet, nasty looks, yelling, crying, defensive body language. All behaviors associated with aggression.

The threshold for completing our new short term goals is shallow. We don’t go to the store as much to stay safe, but when our goal of buying toilet paper or Lysol is not met, we get frustrated. Often, we aggress toward the source of the frustration, just like the child that did not get the cookie. It is unrealistic to aggress toward Wal-Mart or Target, so we take it out on something associated with the store, such as an employee. It is actually impractical to think the cashier or stocker has anything to do with the availability of any particular item in the store, but we still take our frustration out on them.

How do we diffuse our frustration? By becoming aware of possible outcomes to our goals, we can diffuse the possibility of behaving aggressively to others. We have the time, due to quarantine, to sit and think about our goals and the possible outcomes associated with them. Sit down, look at your goal. Write down the outcome(s) if the goal is achieved and if it is not. Then create other goals according to these possible outcomes. Many times, we have a goal and don’t prepare ourselves for the possibility of a delay in achieving that goal.

Let’s all work to lower frustration by making goals and monitoring the possible outcomes of these goals. Kindness, not aggression needs to be the outcome of our behavior.